Anger is a form of emotion which is a heated topic in debates due to the difficulty in recognizing it and the implications of it in the overall life of an individual. Anger and rage has resulted in devastating the life of many people across the world. In fact people have lost life and property just in a fit of rage. Anger can be defined as a state of mind where an individual gets uncontrollably aggressive while displaying his or her displeasure over anything[1].
However, research conducted on this irrational behavior of human beings have thrown lot of light on the role of anger in determining various aspects of human conduct. Anger is a way to tell someone that a certain situation, thought, opinion, or conversation is upsetting, unjust, or even at times threatening to another individual.
Psychiatrists however feel that anger is just a normal emotion just like happiness or sadness in which the mode of conveying the emotion may not always be acceptable[1].
When anger comes to a state where it becomes a threat to the life of the individual or others then it becomes source of a problem. Some people find it very difficult to control their anger and take it out on stuff at home like breaking furniture or throwing things. If you are someone who has this problem and do not know how to control it then you must read the article below to find ways of controlling or defusing your anger[2].
Ways to Defuse Anger
Never getting angry is something which is next to impossible. There will be phases or events which will get your tempers flared up. It is just a normal phenomenon of how the mind reacts to certain things. However, what can be done is controlling it such that it does not pose a threat to you or your loved ones. The goal of the individual should be to express his or her displeasure in a healthy way without losing control of oneself. If this is achieved it will not only be good for yourself but your whole family will understand your displeasure and work towards it[2].
Anger Management is more of an art and to master it a lot of patience and practice is required. Once done, the results will speak for themselves. A patient individual is always easy to go along with it than an individual who has a short fuse. Studies suggest that anger is something which begins right from childhood[2].
If you see your parents fighting and arguing constantly as a child then the likelihood of you doing the same is much higher, as this is what has been fed in your mind as a way to express anger. Certain traumatic events or severe stress in life can also make an individual have a short temper. Below mentioned are some of the ways to cope up with anger issues[2]:
Understand Feelings. It is often observed that anger is a cover up for some other feelings that an individual is dealing with. This may be feeling of guilt, shame, insecurity, or vulnerability. This is more seen in people who have grown up in violent atmosphere or an ultraconservative family where sharing your true feelings was never encouraged[2].
Thus it becomes difficult for the individual to actually express any feeling other than anger. An individual with health conditions like anxiety, depression, or excessive stress also can have a very short temper. The best way to counter the feelings of anger over a situation is to speak to oneself and ask a few questions like[2]:
- Whether the situation is that important to really get angry about it?
- Is it worth spoiling the whole day on that?
- Is there any other thing that I can do about it?
- Is getting angry over it solves the purpose?
Once you get answers to these questions in your mind the temper automatically flies away and you become much cool headed [2].
Identify Triggers. It is also very important in anger management to identify what triggers your anger. The body invokes the flight and fight response when an individual gets angry. This feeling increases as the individual gets angrier. If an individual can identify what these triggers are then it becomes easy to control the anger [2].
Becoming aware of your own personal signs that your temper is starting to boil allows you to take steps to manage your anger before it gets out of control. The physical signs that you can experience while extremely angry over something are:
- Clenching of the fists and jaw
- Feeling a knot in the stomach
- Increased rate of breathing
- Pacing the room
- Inability to focus on tasks at hand
- Racing of the heart[2]
Once you identify these symptoms then it becomes easier for you to cool down and relax before things go out of hand. The first and foremost thing that you can do is recognize the physical sign and try and distract yourself from the feeling and you will notice that it will pass within a few seconds to a minute. The following steps can be done to defuse your anger quickly[2]:
Deep Breaths. Slow deep breaths tend to bring down the tension in the body caused by the anger. The aim should be to breathe deep down from the abdomen and try to gulp in as much fresh air as possible[2].
Exercise. This is yet another way to defuse your anger. If you know that you are angry on something or someone then the best thing you can do is hit the gym and do some weights. This will not only calm the mind but also increase the production of endorphins. The endorphins help in development of a positive mood and within no time your anger will disappear[2].
Display Anger in Healthy Ways. If you think that the situation at hand is something which is worth getting angry and you need to get your thought across then the best way is to do it in a healthy and positive way. Expressing displeasure with a positive attitude works in two ways. You do not get labeled as someone who is short tempered and another you can still express your displeasure without hurting anyone’s feelings [2].
Communication is the key here as if displeasure and anger is communicated in a positive way with a soft tone of voice then the chances of it being heard is far more than shouting your way through[2].
Get Away from the Situation. If you feel that your anger is going out of control then the best thing to do is to get out of the situation. You can go to another room or leave the house for a walk for a few minutes. This will calm your temper down and take care of the anger[2].
In conclusion, it is not bad to get angry. Anger is just a part of emotion and there is no way you can get it out of your system. However, there are things that you can do to keep it in check so that you do not lose control over it and it does not take over your life both professionally and personally. Just keep your priorities in mind and fight fair[2].
If you do not do it then it would not take long for relationships to go downhill. Fighting fair will allow you to express your feelings without causing disrespect for others. Make it a point to always listen to the other person in an argument and always be in the present. There is no point in cribbing over the past. Instead the focus should be on the present and aimed at solving the problem[2].
Forgive and forget is the mantra for defusing anger. Whenever in an argument make sure to think whether the point is really worth getting angry about. If your inner voice says yes then fight the battle in a positive way or else just forgive the person and forget the situation and move on[2].
If you feel that your anger is getting the better of you and is putting you in tight spots at work and at home then it is advised to consult with an anger management specialist for counseling and ways to cope up with situations better[2].
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