It is never easy to cope with the hardships that come after a relationship breakup or when a marriage ends. Whatever might be the reason for your splitting, the relationship breakup or divorce often makes your world upside down and can give rise to various feelings that are painful as well as unsettling. Nevertheless, there are a host of things that you can do to get through the tough time and choose to move on. You can also learn from past experiences and grow into a wiser, stronger person.
Why Does a Relationship Breakup or Divorce Hurt so much Even When the Relationship is No Longer Good?
A relationship breakup or divorce seems difficult to handle because you not only suffer the losses of losing a relationship but also of the commitments and the dreams that you have shared with your partner. Relationships in which there is a lot of romance involved often soar high in the sky and when they fail, it brings profound sadness, grief and disappointment along with stress.
This emotional state often takes you to an unexplored territory. Everything seems to be disturbed; your responsibilities, duties, your other close relationships including your identity. It also brings insecurity about the future. The fear of not finding another partner or ending up alone often makes a person feel worse or unhappy.
It often seems difficult to recover from the divorce or relationship breakup. However one has to understand and remind himself or herself that life goes on. It takes time to heal from the pain or grief, but being patient is the only way.
Natural Ways to Cope with a Relationship Breakup or Divorce
#1: Accepting the Breakup or Divorce is a Natural Way to Overcome Relationship Breakup or Divorce
Coping with breakup or divorce is not an easy thing to do. You should know that it is absolutely normal to feel different at times. You can feel angry, sad, frustrated, confused and exhausted even if they are intense. You may also have anxiousness about the future. Accept the breakup or divorce and understand the fact that these reactions will subside as the time passes by.
- Take a break. Permit yourself to take break and opt for less than optimal performance at least for time being. You may find it hard to take care of others or contribute in your daily work schedule just like every other day. No person is blessed with superpowers and you may also need some time to regroup, heal and bring your energy back.
- Never suffer through the emotional phase on your own. Speak about your feelings to your family and friends as they can help you in dealing with the problems. Join a support group as you will be able to speak about your issues and be in the room where all the others are suffering from the same emotional state. When you isolate yourself, the stress levels may be at peak which may reduce concentration and affect your work, other relationships and health as well.
#2: Permitting Yourself to Grieve the Loss of the Relationship is the Best Natural Way to Cope with a Relationship Breakup or Divorce
Grief is a normal response to break up or divorce as it has innumerable losses involved in them:
- Loss of shared experiences and companionship
- Loss of support, either in intellectual, social, emotional or financial way.
- Loss of dreams, plans and hopes.
It may seem scary if you allow yourself to suffer through the losses. You may feel that your emotions are too intense to handle or you will be stuck in this situation throughout your life. Remember that grief comes after loss and it is a process of healing. The pain that comes from grief is the thing that helps you in getting rid of the past experiences and concentrating on the future. Permit yourself to mourn the loss of the relationship.No matter how much you are grieving, remember that it will not last through the entire lifetime. Below are few tips for grieving after a breakup or divorce:
- Fighting your feelings will not help. It is extremely normal to not have a steady graph in your life. You may experience various emotions like resentment, fear, anger, relief, sadness and confusion. However, you must learn to recognize and acknowledge them. While there is pain associated with these feelings, trying to ignore or suppress them will only make your process of grievance longer.
- Speak about your feelings. You may find it difficult to share your feelings with others, but it is very important to speak about them when you are grieving. When you know that you have someone to talk to, it can help you in healing faster or keep you from feeling aloof. You can also maintain a journal and write about all the feelings that are rising in your head.
- You goal is to move on. You will be liberated when you speak about your feelings that are held inside your head. You will not be able to heal faster or move forward when you are stuck with feelings such as resentment, anger and blame. Moreover, when you are over analyzing a situation, it can take away all your energy and make you feel vulnerable.
- Make yourself aware that you still have a future ahead of you. When you are committed to other person, you may tend to dream or build hopes. It can be hard to let them go. As you are grieving for your lost future that you had once thought of, be grateful that there are new hopes waiting for you in the future and the past is replaceable.
- Understand the difference between extreme and normal reaction. Grief can paralyze you completely but as the time passes, sadness can begin to lift. You will eventually move on and feel better with time. However, if you are not feeling any better, then depression might be building in as a result of the breakup.
#3: Communicating With Others for Support during the Grieving Process is a Natural Way to Cope with a Relationship Breakup or Divorce
Getting enough support from people around is vital after a divorce or relationship breakup. You may feel like being aloof but staying isolated will only worsen the situation. Do not try to deal with it alone and reach to your family as well as friends. People who have been through the same emotional phase can be of great help. They can make you feel hopeful and help you in coping with the situation very well. Communicating with others for support during the grieving process is a natural way to cope with a relationship breakup or divorce.
- Try spending time with people who value, support and energize you. As you try reaching out to others, make sure that people you are relying on are positive and listen to you truthfully. It is important for you to feel free while you speak about your feelings. You should not feel criticized, judged or look down when you are speaking about the feelings.
- Get help from outside if you need. If you cannot reach out to others, try visiting a counselor or join a support group. The most imperative thing is that you have to feel comfortable while speaking about your feelings.
- Give a chance for new friendship to take root. If you feel like losing your grip over social networking, try meeting new people. Join a club of your interest and try meeting new people. Involve in communal activities, volunteer in a community organization or school or place of worship.
#4: Taking Proper Care of Your Physical and Mental Health is Natural Way to Cope with a Relationship Breakup or Divorce
Relationship breakup or divorce can be life changing event and stressful. When you are trying to deal with the emotional changes, it is important to care for yourself. The sadness and stress that can come from a breakup will you complete drained and you may feel vulnerable- both physically and psychologically.
Try treating yourself just like recovering from the flu. Take rest, eliminate stress and reduce the workload. Taking care of yourself can be the most valuable lesson that you can learn after a breakup or divorce. You will be able to care for yourself in a better way when you learn to cope with the losses incurred and make some positive changes in your life. Taking proper care of your health after a divorce or relationship breakup is natural way to cope with a breakup or divorce. Below are few self-care tips for taking care of yourself after a divorce or relationship breakup.
- Take time to nurture yourself every single day. Schedule your day to do all the activities that can soothe your mind. Listen to your favorite music, take a walk, enjoy a bubble bath, read a book or indulge in a yoga class.
- Pay close attention to the things you need in the present moment and be sure to speak about them. Honor the things you believe and learn to say no without any guilt.
- Follow a specific routine. A relationship breakup or divorce can spoil or interfere with every area in your life, amplify your stress and create chaos. Following a regular routine can offer a sense of normalcy and structure.
- Take some timeout. Try to take decisions in the first month of after the separation like moving to a new place or getting a new job. Doing new things can make you feel less emotional.
- Avoid relying on drugs, alcohol or food for comfort. When you are suffering from relationship breakup or divorce, you may be compelled to rely on all these means to cope with the feelings of loneliness and pain. By using food, alcohol or drugs, you are opting for unhealthy means and they will make you destructive in the future. Therefore, it is recommended to find better ways to cope with the emotional feelings and the pain that comes from breakup.
- Discover new interests. A relationship breakup or divorce can be an end or a new beginning. Take time to understand about them and give yourself a chance to enjoy living in the present rather than being in the past.